Why I Run - How Horses, Lassos, Cacti, and Cowgirl Hats Changed Our Lives
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou
Carolyn never considered herself to be a runner... until one day, it was almost as if running came to her. Soon after her daughter, Nina, was born, she was offered a running stroller, free of charge, from a neighbor.
From that moment, running became her default exercise, but still she viewed it strictly through a lens of practicality. It was a quick way to move her body and escape the craziness of the world, plus her little one could tag along. But sadly, her world would soon be flipped upside down.
When she was just 2 years old, Nina was diagnosed with leukemia, completely shattering the view of the future Carolyn thought they would have as a family.
A rigorous treatment journey was mapped out before them, and they had to find their stride quickly in their new and intense routine. “We went to appointments and we lived our lives,” said Carolyn. But despite putting on brave faces, they were cracking from the inside.
“You have this idea of carefree kids, and then you see these kids in these facilities and your heart just breaks,” said Carolyn. “Then, you look at them and see they’re actually making friendships. They have their regular nurse that they love, and that special toy they cling onto. And it just becomes part of their world… But then there were times where something would happen, and it would wake us up to recognize that this was not normal,” she said.
The emotional weight of the pediatric cancer world caught up to Carolyn when Nina’s medical team introduced the idea of incorporating a wish into the treatment plan. Overwhelmed by the stress of it all, and with misconceptions of final wishes clouding her judgement, “I could barely take their calls,” said Carolyn.
Until the idea of a wish presented itself in a way that they could no longer ignore. What started as a last-minute Halloween costume evolved into a total fantasy world for Nina.
Horses, lassos, cacti, and of course plenty of cowgirl hats became Nina’s favorite things. “She became obsessed, and it kept morphing and morphing,” recalled Carolyn. And when they couldn’t ignore it anymore, they invited volunteers to explore the idea of pursuing her wild west dreams on her wish.
“She had gifts and people talking directly to her about what she liked. And for the first time, it had nothing to do with us,” admitted Carolyn. With Nina’s imagination in the driver’s seat, “it took flight from there.”
And so the “Blue Cowgirl” was born.
Soon enough, her family came to realize just how far off their initial thoughts of the organization had been.
“Obviously the child has the diagnosis, but the whole family is going through it,” said Carolyn. “While the kid gets to have the wish, the whole family gets to have this moment too.”
On her wish to become a cowgirl and visit a ranch, Carolyn and her husband got to watch their little girl’s eyes fill with wonder. Diagnosed at such a young age, the realm of treatment and hospitals was all she had ever known. But suddenly, they saw her dreaming, like any other child her age would get the chance to do. “We couldn’t have replicated that for her if we tried,” Carolyn said.
And as an added bonus, when Nina would head off to her ranch camp activities for the day, they got to have their moment of peace as well – something they realized they hadn’t had the entire time Nina was sick.
Reflecting on the wish experience, Carolyn said, “It’s the perfect combination of things, and there’s so many levels to it for a family.”
From the moment they returned from their trip, they knew they wanted to stay involved, but they weren’t quite sure how. They shared their story and celebrated at our Power of a Wish Gala (and Nina will be the first to show you her dress and sash still hanging in her room), but still Carolyn wanted to do more.
So, when the opportunity to run the 2021 TCS New York City Marathon with Team Make-A-Wish fell into her lap, with almost zero hesitation Carolyn clicked to register. Her feelings of adrenaline were quickly followed by her voice of reason saying, “What did I just get myself into?” She had never dared to venture beyond the 4-5 mile marker on her runs.
Now months into her training, Carolyn feels that joining Team Make-A-Wish was meant to be. “It would have been cool to do this at any point in my life, but I couldn’t have said no to Make-A-Wish,” she said. “This is a cause that will forever be so near and dear to our family and to our story.”
On the days where training gets tough, she turns to the kids that fuel her fire. “I got so much courage and strength as a mom from watching these kids just pick up the pieces and go forward,” she said. When she gets tired, she swiftly reminds herself, “You’ve been through harder things. You’ve seen little kids go through harder things. This is just a run and that’s the extent of it.”
She hope’s that’s a message her daughter will never forget - that no matter what you have been through, you can achieve anything when you put your heart and soul into it and decide to make a commitment.
Ultimately seeking to spread the message of just how far the feeling of a wish can go for a family, “For me there’s so many reasons why,” said Carolyn. “I’m doing it for Nina. I’m doing it for kids like Nina. But I’m also doing it for the parents in a way too.”
And with a smaller group of runners this year, “I’m just honored to be a part of it,” said Carolyn.
Click here to watch Nina’s wish come to life in an animated short.
You can help Carolyn reach her fundraising goal and grant more wishes for kids like Nina - donate today.